I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
