I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
