i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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