Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
