I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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