You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
