This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
