I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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