there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
