After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
