The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
