I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
