i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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