what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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