Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
