A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
