so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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