I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
