My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
