3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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