Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm really busy with my period
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