I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
