I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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