He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
