I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my being single is dangerous.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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