fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
