i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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