Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
