it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
