Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
