Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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