i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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