it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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