you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
