im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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