tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
