I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
