I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
