bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize