I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
