i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
