he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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