I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
