Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
