I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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