You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
