Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize