im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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