I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize