Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
