did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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