Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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