my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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