He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
