I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
