All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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