we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize