i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize