I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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