I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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