tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
