So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
