yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
