I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
