Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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