he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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