Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
