Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
