I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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