I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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